Reason finally prevails :)

As was probably obvious I was going through a rough patch. The predicament lasted for a while, but I am finally over it :)

It was tough while I was going through it, couldn't get the damn thing outta my mind for even a second for even like 10 days. It was a dilemma whether to share it with friends and lighten the load I was carrying, or be a "man" and fare through my troubles on my own. Most people around me didn't have any idea of what I was going through, which I think helped cause they behaved normally. Even blogging helped a bit.

For all the trouble I went through, there were some positives to come out of it too. For two days when I was really low, I wasn’t in the best of moods. The people who work under my supervision regularly miss deadlines, but realizing I was in a bad mood we made really good progress. Perhaps I should try being stern more often :P. I lost appetite and lost like a kilo and a half in a single week :). Then I returned to blogging after a long time, cause didn't have anything better to do, when I would regularly wake up before the alarm clock rang (can you believe that :D). And I have also started writing this article that I had been planning for a long time. Hopefully if I wake up early again tomorrow, will try to completely knock it down.

I did share my troubles with a friend, which helped. In the end just about an hour ago when I was returning home from work, I was like enough is enough. One can't just keep mourning all his life. Shit happens and one's gotta move on. Now I am determined not to slip into that pit of mourning ever again, at least not over the recent event :D

Let reason prevail

I know my recent posts have been a bit on the gloomy side but I guess once I take this break, a trip to India to attend this conflict transformation workshop in Delhi, hopefully followed by a week in Mumbai with friends, I should hopefully get better.

As I mentioned in my comment to Shobha to an earlier post, the next stage in a skeptics struggle with personal loss is the onset of these constant transitions from a state of self control when reason reins supreme to a state of weakness when emotions get the better of him. When ones in control, one feels its not difficult, sure I can overcome it in time. And yet there are moments of weakness when you grieve over your loss, even if you know theres almost nothing you can do to undo it. You wonder if this weaker side is really you.

The biggest dilemma of course is whether to share it and lighten your burden. And you are caught between whether to stay resolute and fight it out yourself, or share it with your friends and lighten yourself. Don't know if its chauvinism, an eastern up-bringing or just your nature that keeps you from sharing it with friends, who are already mad at you for not letting them know whats troubling you. And you argue with yourself, whether your friends have a right to know cause they feel alienated cause they have been sharing all their ups and downs in life with you and you refuse to spit your troubles out.

Theres this other funny aspect to the situation too. You think maybe by keeping it all to yourself, ppl around you not realizing what you are going through, just keeps them normal instead of unusually sympathetic. You hope that this normal behavior will perhaps be better to get back and be yourself.

Funny state and all one can do is hope for reason to prevail soon to get you back to normal :)