Let reason prevail
I know my recent posts have been a bit on the gloomy side but I guess once I take this break, a trip to India to attend this conflict transformation workshop in Delhi, hopefully followed by a week in Mumbai with friends, I should hopefully get better.
As I mentioned in my comment to Shobha to an earlier post, the next stage in a skeptics struggle with personal loss is the onset of these constant transitions from a state of self control when reason reins supreme to a state of weakness when emotions get the better of him. When ones in control, one feels its not difficult, sure I can overcome it in time. And yet there are moments of weakness when you grieve over your loss, even if you know theres almost nothing you can do to undo it. You wonder if this weaker side is really you.
The biggest dilemma of course is whether to share it and lighten your burden. And you are caught between whether to stay resolute and fight it out yourself, or share it with your friends and lighten yourself. Don't know if its chauvinism, an eastern up-bringing or just your nature that keeps you from sharing it with friends, who are already mad at you for not letting them know whats troubling you. And you argue with yourself, whether your friends have a right to know cause they feel alienated cause they have been sharing all their ups and downs in life with you and you refuse to spit your troubles out.
Theres this other funny aspect to the situation too. You think maybe by keeping it all to yourself, ppl around you not realizing what you are going through, just keeps them normal instead of unusually sympathetic. You hope that this normal behavior will perhaps be better to get back and be yourself.
Funny state and all one can do is hope for reason to prevail soon to get you back to normal :)
As I mentioned in my comment to Shobha to an earlier post, the next stage in a skeptics struggle with personal loss is the onset of these constant transitions from a state of self control when reason reins supreme to a state of weakness when emotions get the better of him. When ones in control, one feels its not difficult, sure I can overcome it in time. And yet there are moments of weakness when you grieve over your loss, even if you know theres almost nothing you can do to undo it. You wonder if this weaker side is really you.
The biggest dilemma of course is whether to share it and lighten your burden. And you are caught between whether to stay resolute and fight it out yourself, or share it with your friends and lighten yourself. Don't know if its chauvinism, an eastern up-bringing or just your nature that keeps you from sharing it with friends, who are already mad at you for not letting them know whats troubling you. And you argue with yourself, whether your friends have a right to know cause they feel alienated cause they have been sharing all their ups and downs in life with you and you refuse to spit your troubles out.
Theres this other funny aspect to the situation too. You think maybe by keeping it all to yourself, ppl around you not realizing what you are going through, just keeps them normal instead of unusually sympathetic. You hope that this normal behavior will perhaps be better to get back and be yourself.
Funny state and all one can do is hope for reason to prevail soon to get you back to normal :)
posted by Noorali Surani at 8:23 AM
1 Comments:
another possible reason may simply be that the mourner doesn't think sharing it with anyone will make things better. In a skeptic's world, I would think thats more the case. Cause if you reason it out, friends can't make you "feel" better.
I personally believe society doesn't necessarily encourage one to share their inner most thoughts. One, the mourner will never be sure how his "friends" really take it. Behind him, they could be saying "see, i told u the guy was a sissy" or "he's not man enough to handle his own losses".
I think sharing grief is always a good thing, but when you share that grief when other things are more pressing, it can backfire.
I won't go into those scenarios cause I am assuming this topic is limited to a time when one is asked to disclose what's bothering him and yet he doesn't.
Here's a thought:
Islam tells you to mourn a loss for three days. I think there's a lot more depth in the reasoning behind that. Maybe for the believers, its God's way of telling you to follow the skeptic's way - "Move on with life, you're still alive"
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